From Fat to Fit Chick:   

Monday, October 20, 2014

Going Backwards....that's me



This collage I made this morning.  The picture all the way to the left is me at 360, the middle picture was me hovering around 175 and the one on the right was taken this past Thursday at 195.

I'm having a tough time getting things together.

I thought I had things together after my mom died 2 months ago but I don't.  I've been binging on crap even if I eat healthy for the most part.....and that my friends has made me gain 20 pounds in that short amount of time.

My soul feels like it's lost and it has taken all my strength to focus on school and my kids.  Which at least with school I'm still making A's and B's.  My poor husband has seriously been picking up the slack and trying to bring me out of my funk.

Which I think I slowly am.  I'm having more good days than bad.  My binges are becoming a bit more controllable.  I've been trying to focus on my feelings more.  Letting myself cry or get angry.  I have been having a hard time giving myself permission to really enjoy the good moments.  Like everything else, I'm slowly doing that too.  At first I felt really guilty enjoying taking my kids to places or just snuggling with them on the couch but I'm not feeling as guilty now.

I'm giving myself as much slack as I can give and I have been talking to someone to help me make this loss livable.  Rallying the troops and depending on others is harder for me to do than anything else.  I'm so used to being independent (it's a major flaw sometimes).

So this is me.  I know I have a long road to go but here I am being real with y'all.  Shit happens.  You cope how you are able to cope.    Which airing my emotional breakdowns on this is harder than admitting that I gained a good chunk of weight back.  I can deal with a weight gain way easy.  lol

I'll make it though.  I'm a fighter.

This is why I mentioned something about intuitive eating on my fan page last night.  It really helped me get a handle on my emotional eating at the beginning of my weight loss journey before.  I will get this under control.....nothing in my closet fits lol


Oh yeah, and from all the crying.....I now have chronic dry eye so I can't really wear contacts right now lol My glasses are driving me crazy but that is what it is too ;)


Thursday, October 16, 2014

You are your own worst critic

Ever stop in front of a mirror and mentally pick yourself apart?  Harping on flaws that you only see?  Or how about when you lose a lot of weight and still see the old you in the mirror?




I can honestly say I've done all of that at some point in my life.  The first two I used to do constantly.  Screwing up my face in the mirror and not liking what I was seeing or at least trying to see why my husband thought I was beautiful.

After I lost all the weight I did, I had problems trying to get my mind to catch up.  Not only in the mirror but with things like scooting by people.....in reality I would have plenty of room but I would turn to the side, suck in my "gut" and hope that I could squeeze by.  

I wound up being able to get past my body image issues without seeing a therapist but I'm going to tell you, if you can't then please go see one.  Body dysmorphia can happen to anyone, whether you are at an ideal weight or not.  

This picture is something I printed out a long time ago to help me:



It does take a lot of work....a lot.  Over time though it is so freaking worth it.  I don't call myself a "fat ass" anymore or any other derogatory name any more.  I don't ask my husband why does he love me because I'm ugly.  I don't need to be reassured over and over again because the image I see and the image everyone else sees is different.

Every morning I want to do this now.....


We are all amazing people.......I hope you all eventually stop being your own worst critic and become your own best friend <3


Sunday, August 31, 2014

Finding a New Normal

It's still raw.

If you haven't seen my Facebook posts, my mama passed away on August 21st after suffering a heart attack two weeks ago today.

I feel so lost.

She drove me absolutely crazy sometimes like I think most moms do to their children but she was also my best friend that I could share anything with.

My mama, our dog, and me holding onto my baby sister
My heart feels like it's been ripped out of my chest.

But here I am.....trying to find a new normal.  Some days have been ok.  Then there are some days where I go to pick up the phone, and I realize I can't call her to tell her what I was thinking or hear what she was thinking.  Or I hear a song she used to love and I just lose it.

I have went through a period where I was barely eating to now wanting to eat everything in sight.  So while I'm coping with losing her, I need to move forward as well, no matter if I want to or not.  She was so proud of me being in magazines and on TV, she told me she was famous too since I came from her :)  I still want to make her proud.  I refuse to gain what I lost back, I will graduate college, and I will be there for my family.

Here I am, yet again, recommitting to my health.  It seems like I've been starting over so much lately.  At least I'm starting to care again.  The past 2 weeks I could have given two shits less about myself.  My first day of school was the day before she passed away and with that and pulling everything together for a memorial service, taking care of the kids.......I've just been functioning.

But as much as I feel like a hole is in my heart, I must keep going.

So I'm going to keep it simple with food, I'm not going to stress about my next half marathon and if I can run it (I'll crawl the damn thing if I have to).....I'm going to try to find the joy in every day again.  It drove my mom crazy that I was so positive but I think she secretly loved it too.

For some reason this saying keeps running through my mind and I'm not sure if it's my mom putting it there or what but I will take it <3

Oh and I apologize if this blog sounded like it makes no sense so please bear with me while I go through my grief.  Writing has always helped me cope with life.



I'll post my dinner menu and simplified plan of action either tonight or tomorrow.  Keep me accountable ok? :)

Saturday, August 16, 2014

I never hated myself because I was fat

When I post my before and progress pictures I always get comments like "you were beautiful when you were bigger why hate on yourself?" or "there is nothing repulsive about your before picture" and it always makes me pause.

I never said I hated myself because I was fat.  I might have been disappointed that I let my weight go as far as I did but never did I hate myself for my weight.  In fact I never mention hating myself ever on my side by side pictures.

I did hate myself for a long time though.  I hated myself over deeper things.  Mainly because as a mom I put myself on the very bottom of my priority list and it got to the point where I didn't even know who the hell I was anymore besides being a mom, wife or caregiver in some other way.  I was so much more than that and I hated myself for being a doormat.  I hated myself for not living up to my expectations or dreams.

Every time I would look into the mirror I would feel sadness that I couldn't cope without eating my feelings.  I never hated myself for it though.

When I was severely depressed and wanting to end my life......it wasn't because of my weight.  It was the hopeless despair that I felt because I felt like I lost my identity.  Not because of my weight.

So when I say I decided to be happy & love myself, the weight loss was a side effect.  When you are happy and love yourself, you only want the best for yourself and that was what eating healthy and being active was and still is for me.

This is where going back to college comes in too.  I've always wanted to be someone that worked with animals in some way.  Of course when I was a kid I wanted to be a veterinarian but it evolved into helping conserve Louisiana native wildlife and their habitat.  I tried doing the personal trainer thing and while I loved it, it really didn't feel like something I wanted to do forever.  So happiness wins again for me.

Anyway, getting back to the hating thing.........it wasn't because the fact that I was fat, it was the events that lead me to become fat that I hated myself for.

This is why I am such a big proponent for fixing what is going on in your head.  You can try to fix the weight but if you don't figure out what makes you tick and fix the problems that are causing you to be unhappy then it's just like putting a band-aid on something that needs stitches.



Oh and looking back at the girl I was before......I love her and respect her so much.  She did what she could and eventually found the way through to her happiness.  She made me a strong person.  For this, I could never ever hate her.  Looking back at my before pictures makes me happy.  I know how that story ends :)

Friday, August 8, 2014

Let it go! Let it go!


Lately I've been pretty darn happy with myself.  It's not really a bad thing.  A lot of people think just because you are happy that you will slack.  I think that honor would be for being stressed out for me.

So it's time for me to be real right?  When I get real about my journey, the only thing I fear is losing credibility with all of you for not being perfect.  (Just being honest lol it makes me nervous every single time I tell y'all the good, the bad and the ugly)  I gained 10 pounds back when I was going through finals and that puts me at 185 and I have been maintaining ever since.  Not too bad when I wasn't eating as well as I could have been during finals.  The maintaining I'm just taking as being very lucky.  lol I'll take it.

And you know what I have done about it?


I'm sorry that this song is probably now stuck in your head lol

It really isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things.  My clothes are a little tight but I'm not beating myself up, not feeling disgusted or anything else negative.  It happens.  Life happens.

If you are looking for one of those perfect weight loss people I am not one ;)  Let me say this again.....life happens.  We are human and I am here to let you know that while you need to take personal responsibility you can do it in a positive manner.  What happens when you get off track?  You let it go.  You make it a learning experience and move on.  Then get back to what you were doing before you got off track.

It makes for a bumpy ride on your journey but it sure is better than getting mad at yourself and totally giving up.

A before and during picture....I like 'em, y'all like 'em :)


I will always be a work in progress :)  So I'm moving on.

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Weekly Musings & What's for Dinner

This past week has been a little too fun for me.  After I finished my math final exam I kinda celebrated a little too much with my kids....at the snoball stand, at the store, at home.  Then there was the 2 mom night out's I went to.  Painting nights at both :)  Which were awesome but I had ice cream, cake, muffuletta mini sandwiches, etc. Oh and my husband brought home donuts yesterday morning and I ate two, plus we went out for dinner with the kids and to the movies to see Guardians of the Galaxy.

To really sum it up, my eating absolutely sucked this past week so I'm owning it :)

The bright side?  I didn't let it turn into a mindless downward eating everything in sight spiral.  That spiral which I think we all know well.  The I-screwed-up-so-I-might-as-well-throw-in-the-towel-and-eat-everything-on-earth-just-because-I-wasn't-perfect spiral.  Why do we do that to ourselves?  Would we smash our phone until it breaks because we accidentally dropped it?  I know I'd cry if I did that to my iPhone lol those suckers are expensive....so why don't we treat ourselves as something expensive too?

The other bright side is that I scored a 4.0 GPA my first semester back in college.  A freaking 4.0 GPA!  Having kids and staying home with them did not make me stupid lol (you know, don't use it lose it)  It still makes me want to dance around!  This makes me feel like I can do anything I set my mind to, no matter the obstacles of my 13 year old son with Asperger's, my other two kiddos, my husband travelling for work at the most inconvenient and most stressful times, and whatever else life decides to throw at me!  And just because I went crazy with the exclamation marks in this paragraph !!!!!!!!!!!! *giggle*

This week for me is getting back to my basics.  Gotta keep it simple....eating lean meats, lots of veggies, fruit, whole grains, and healthy fats.  I'm also looking forward to the kids going back to school on Thursday (yeah, we start back early) so I can start over with running....which I haven't done in a while.  Should be painful but fun ;)

So what's for dinner this week?

Chicken Rollatini with Spinach - which my husband volunteered to cook tonight.  Nothing hotter than a man that cooks and cleans afterwards ;)

Spaghetti Pie

Skinny Chicken Enchiladas

Baked steelhead trout and sauteed zoodles (no recipe gang, just winging it)

Mushroom Parmesan Chicken with a salad

Grilled chicken (maybe steak too) and roasted/grilled veggies

Chicken Bacon Ranch Pasta


Don't forget that I'm running a Dietbet starting tomorrow (it's not too late to join!)
http://www.dietbetter.com/games/46921

And finally my quote of the week:



My question to you:
Have you stumbled recently?  How are you going to get back on track?





Monday, July 28, 2014

Weekly Musings and What's for Dinner :)

Last week was my last week of the summer semester at the University of New Orleans.  In this short time period I kind of had a mini meltdown, not knowing who I was, feeling like a fraud, and just over thinking things in general.  This blog might jump around a bit but welcome to my mind lol

In realizing and setting forth on this dream of mine to finally continue on with my degree has taught me several things.

First.....it's okay to love more than one thing.  I do not need to just identify with one love (health and fitness) or the other (Louisiana wildlife conservation).  I can do both.  It's just a balance. Although it might be unbalanced at times.  Hopefully that didn't come out too crazy lol

Second....it's totally okay to decide to do something different than what you were doing before.  I decided to walk away from the health and fitness industry as a career.  It's a tough industry to be in but I've never shied away from tough before so that's not the reason why.  It just clicked one day that I'm not getting any younger and why not do something that had been my life passion before I gained the self confidence to take it on?  When I was younger I was so timid.  I gave in to other's doubts about my abilities and I truly regret that.  I'm now in the position to tell them to f off and try my hardest without that cloud hanging over my head.  I want to see what happens now.

Third.....why the hell not?  Taking a chance on something that I feel that is right in my gut worked when I lost a bunch of weight and transformed my life mentally the first time I went out on a limb, might as well try it again right?

Fourth, the fraud thing....since I didn't feel as passionately about health and fitness because of my epiphany I felt like a fraud by posting about stuff on my fan page.  I am getting over that though.  The break I took helped me figure out that everything I post applies to all aspects of life and not just getting your mind right to get healthy.  Everything is a mind game.  No matter if it's losing weight or changing careers or being happy in the middle of a hurricane....it all comes down to the right attitude and the decision to change your mind.

It'll be an on going journey I am sure trying to balance it all lol

Now that you made it that far and waded through my rambling here is my menu for dinner this week :)  My husband paid our new car note twice on accident, the insurance company decided it was going to take out double the amount it quoted me and I went ahead and bought a few of my books for next semester (yeah not cheap, even if I was going to rent them if I could find them to rent).  I wasn't counting on the first two happening and it's been really really tight.  I can roll with it though.  So our menu is really really budget friendly, since I went shopping in our freezer lol  I stock up on meat every time I catch it on sale, and only had to buy some fresh veggies and a couple bags of brown rice (they really need to start selling bigger bags where I live lol).  *I do have to put a disclaimer that I will be back later to update my dirty rice recipe*

Dinner:
Dirty Rice with steamed veggies (We had this last night)
Chicken Taco Chili http://www.skinnytaste.com/2008/11/crock-pot-chicken-taco-chili-4-pts.html
Leftover night
"Butter" beans with brown rice and sauteed or steamed veggies
Breakfast for dinner.....omelets with veggies, pancakes for the kids, turkey sausage links I found in the freezer
Grilled chicken or pork chops with seasoned brown rice and veggie skewers

Nothing fancy this week but overall healthy :)

Oh and if you would like to participate I am doing a Dietbet that is starting August 5th!  http://www.dietbetter.com/games/46921  If you don't know about Dietbet, you pay in this game $25 to enter the game.  If you lose 4% of your body weight you get to split the pot with everyone else that makes their 4%.  Dietbet does have precautions in place to keep everyone honest.  On average the winners of my games average about $40 to each winner.  I do get a percentage from the game but it goes straight to helping me pay for college (I've always been honest about that).  I also do giveaways and stuff there.  It's a lot of fun and you get support from everyone that is playing the game :)


My theme for this week is:


Sunday, July 20, 2014

Weekly Musings and What's for Dinner

This next week is my last week of the summer semester so this will be a crazy time.  My husband has been gone for a week and I have my doubts he'll be home so I can study next weekend for my math final.  It's going to be crazy hectic especially if I have to study with my kids at home.  I am determined to keep my A's in my classes.  I know when I'm done and the kids go back to school (they start August 7th here so a big yay!!) I will so be pampering myself with a pedicure and facial at my favorite spa.

That is pretty much what has been going on with me.  The busier I am, the less I think about food during the day (that can be good right? lol) so I've noticed that my planning has been really awesome with making sure I eat....and when I do eat I have access to healthy stuff instead of junk.

I pack this every day.

My Thirty One Out N About thermal....it's discontinued  but you can find them on eBay

This gets packed with extra water, my water bottle, some quick on the go snacks like grapes, broccoli florets and a small container of dressing to dip it in, hard boiled eggs, cheese sticks or cubes, and my lunch which is usually a salad or a wrap.

I pre-pack everything at night, put it into my lunch bag in the morning with reusable frozen packs to keep it cold (it sits in my car and I carry what I know I'll eat between classes and the rest is there when I'm done) and go :)   

My breakfast plan = quick!  I have been cooking a bulk batch of scrambled eggs with veggies and eating that quickly while I'm getting the kids up and ready to go to my mom's house.  It might be boring to have the same thing every morning but I'm okay with that.

My dinner plan is where most of my variety comes from :)  This week will be bigger batches so I don't have to cook every day.

I'm cooking baked chicken tonight with seasoned brown rice (I just have fun with my spices with the rice) and sauteed asparagus.  The chicken and rice should take us into Monday's meal too with me only having to cook a veggie.

My other dinner choices are (in no particular order):

Slow Cooker Cheeseburger Soup from Weight Watchers
http://www.weightwatchers.com/food/rcp/recipepage.aspx?recipeid=140381&ExplicitNav=food&ExplicitSubThirdNav=SlowCookerMeals

Crockpot Salsa Verde Chicken (mine will be over a salad and the kids will have rice and a side salad)
http://www.skinnytaste.com/2013/04/easiest-crock-pot-salsa-verde-chicken.html

Easy Macaroni Casserole
http://www.skinnytaste.com/2014/01/easy-macaroni-casserole.html

Annnnd I think that will be it for the week.  It'll make enough for me and the three minions, even if I might have to double the recipe for maybe the cheeseburger soup.

Finally.....my quote of the week ;)



Sunday, July 13, 2014

My week recap and what's for dinner this week :)

I am missing y'all and my Facebook fan page a lot.  I've decided to try and make it work after my finals for my summer classes.  Which won't happen until July 29th.  It's just not the same without y'all and no matter how much of an identity crisis I have, I'm willing to share it all with y'all lol Yay, right?  You'll just find out a lot more about me....like I totally will stop a car to pick up a turtle crossing the road ;)



So what have I been doing this week?  Pretty much the same that I've done since I started school.  I've gotten really good at packing my lunch and snacks.  The sucky thing is that I dropped and broke my water bottle.  I picked up another one just like it yesterday morning then totally forgot it at a laser tag place about 45 minutes away *sigh* So my goal tomorrow is buy yet another one before I pick up my boys from my mom's house.

I have gotten more exercise in too. Which has made me feel normal....it seems like lately it's been me going to school, doing a shit ton of homework and juggling the kids.  I've only been doing either some hooping (I'm participating in Hoopnotica's hooping bootcamp or doing some Walk Away the Pounds dvds.  It's more that what I was doing so I'll take it lol

My daughter had her 8th birthday this week too.  We went to laser tag for her party yesterday and had a blast!  I haven't played since before I had kids so it was a treat :)

Oh and my husband bought donuts for breakfast this morning.  I picked up one, got it to my mouth then put it back.  I'm planning on splurging on some of my daughter's left over birthday cake and didn't want the donut that bad lol

And that wraps up my week in a nutshell....how was yours?

Now here is my dinner round up!

Taco Stuffed Zucchini Boats (my zucchini plants in my garden are going crazy producing so I'll be working in zukes in all my dinners this week in some way lol)
http://www.skinnytaste.com/2013/07/taco-stuffed-zucchini-boats.html

Chicken Pot Pie Soup (totally putting this one in the slow cooker ;))
http://www.skinnytaste.com/2011/01/chicken-pot-pie-soup.html

Crock Pot Chicken Cacciatore (one of my family's favs)
http://www.skinnytaste.com/2012/06/crock-pot-chicken-cacciatore.html#more

Crock pot Pork Roast and sauteed zucchini - no recipe....just throwing that baby in and playing with the spices in my cabinet!

Slow Cooker Beef Stew (never tried this one before)
http://www.emilybites.com/2014/01/slow-cooker-beef-stew.html

Baked Ziti (Yum!)
http://www.laaloosh.com/2010/06/25/baked-ziti-pasta-recipe/


Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Why I took down my Facebook page....

Ever feel like you just want less responsibility in life?

That's how I've been feeling lately with my fan page.  I have over 245,000 people on my page, waiting for me to post something inspirational to help them along in their day......lately I haven't been doing much of that and if you saw my video I posted last week about not feeling inspirational, just happy and content, you might have seen it coming.

So I unpublished my page yesterday.  It's not gone forever but I need a break from it.  I'm getting pulled in a million different directions and while I love helping the huge community I built up, I just need a break.  The page is something I run all by myself.  It's a lot of pressure sometimes because I want all of you to make happy & healthy changes to your life.

I want a chance to be me for a while and not my alter ego, From Fat to Fit Chick, though.  While healthy eating and exercise is a part of my life, it is not the big chunk that it used to be.  

I just want to be Tanee for a little while....not the chick that has lost 200 pounds.

I'll still be updating this blog with my weekly plans and updates....and if the urge strikes me to write about something else I will but I won't be putting any pressure on myself.  I still am heading up my private group on FB, called We are Fit for Life 2 so not totally gone but the group runs itself for the most part lol

After my finals in a couple of weeks I'll reevaluate and see if I want to bring it back.  So if you no longer want to follow me I totally understand!

My journey has always been evolving and this is no different.  :)