From Fat to Fit Chick: : Finding a New Normal   

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Finding a New Normal

It's still raw.

If you haven't seen my Facebook posts, my mama passed away on August 21st after suffering a heart attack two weeks ago today.

I feel so lost.

She drove me absolutely crazy sometimes like I think most moms do to their children but she was also my best friend that I could share anything with.

My mama, our dog, and me holding onto my baby sister
My heart feels like it's been ripped out of my chest.

But here I am.....trying to find a new normal.  Some days have been ok.  Then there are some days where I go to pick up the phone, and I realize I can't call her to tell her what I was thinking or hear what she was thinking.  Or I hear a song she used to love and I just lose it.

I have went through a period where I was barely eating to now wanting to eat everything in sight.  So while I'm coping with losing her, I need to move forward as well, no matter if I want to or not.  She was so proud of me being in magazines and on TV, she told me she was famous too since I came from her :)  I still want to make her proud.  I refuse to gain what I lost back, I will graduate college, and I will be there for my family.

Here I am, yet again, recommitting to my health.  It seems like I've been starting over so much lately.  At least I'm starting to care again.  The past 2 weeks I could have given two shits less about myself.  My first day of school was the day before she passed away and with that and pulling everything together for a memorial service, taking care of the kids.......I've just been functioning.

But as much as I feel like a hole is in my heart, I must keep going.

So I'm going to keep it simple with food, I'm not going to stress about my next half marathon and if I can run it (I'll crawl the damn thing if I have to).....I'm going to try to find the joy in every day again.  It drove my mom crazy that I was so positive but I think she secretly loved it too.

For some reason this saying keeps running through my mind and I'm not sure if it's my mom putting it there or what but I will take it <3

Oh and I apologize if this blog sounded like it makes no sense so please bear with me while I go through my grief.  Writing has always helped me cope with life.



I'll post my dinner menu and simplified plan of action either tonight or tomorrow.  Keep me accountable ok? :)