This collage I made this morning. The picture all the way to the left is me at 360, the middle picture was me hovering around 175 and the one on the right was taken this past Thursday at 195.
I'm having a tough time getting things together.
I thought I had things together after my mom died 2 months ago but I don't. I've been binging on crap even if I eat healthy for the most part.....and that my friends has made me gain 20 pounds in that short amount of time.
My soul feels like it's lost and it has taken all my strength to focus on school and my kids. Which at least with school I'm still making A's and B's. My poor husband has seriously been picking up the slack and trying to bring me out of my funk.
Which I think I slowly am. I'm having more good days than bad. My binges are becoming a bit more controllable. I've been trying to focus on my feelings more. Letting myself cry or get angry. I have been having a hard time giving myself permission to really enjoy the good moments. Like everything else, I'm slowly doing that too. At first I felt really guilty enjoying taking my kids to places or just snuggling with them on the couch but I'm not feeling as guilty now.
I'm giving myself as much slack as I can give and I have been talking to someone to help me make this loss livable. Rallying the troops and depending on others is harder for me to do than anything else. I'm so used to being independent (it's a major flaw sometimes).
So this is me. I know I have a long road to go but here I am being real with y'all. Shit happens. You cope how you are able to cope. Which airing my emotional breakdowns on this is harder than admitting that I gained a good chunk of weight back. I can deal with a weight gain way easy. lol
I'll make it though. I'm a fighter.
This is why I mentioned something about intuitive eating on my fan page last night. It really helped me get a handle on my emotional eating at the beginning of my weight loss journey before. I will get this under control.....nothing in my closet fits lol