From Fat to Fit Chick: : October 2014   

Monday, October 20, 2014

Going Backwards....that's me



This collage I made this morning.  The picture all the way to the left is me at 360, the middle picture was me hovering around 175 and the one on the right was taken this past Thursday at 195.

I'm having a tough time getting things together.

I thought I had things together after my mom died 2 months ago but I don't.  I've been binging on crap even if I eat healthy for the most part.....and that my friends has made me gain 20 pounds in that short amount of time.

My soul feels like it's lost and it has taken all my strength to focus on school and my kids.  Which at least with school I'm still making A's and B's.  My poor husband has seriously been picking up the slack and trying to bring me out of my funk.

Which I think I slowly am.  I'm having more good days than bad.  My binges are becoming a bit more controllable.  I've been trying to focus on my feelings more.  Letting myself cry or get angry.  I have been having a hard time giving myself permission to really enjoy the good moments.  Like everything else, I'm slowly doing that too.  At first I felt really guilty enjoying taking my kids to places or just snuggling with them on the couch but I'm not feeling as guilty now.

I'm giving myself as much slack as I can give and I have been talking to someone to help me make this loss livable.  Rallying the troops and depending on others is harder for me to do than anything else.  I'm so used to being independent (it's a major flaw sometimes).

So this is me.  I know I have a long road to go but here I am being real with y'all.  Shit happens.  You cope how you are able to cope.    Which airing my emotional breakdowns on this is harder than admitting that I gained a good chunk of weight back.  I can deal with a weight gain way easy.  lol

I'll make it though.  I'm a fighter.

This is why I mentioned something about intuitive eating on my fan page last night.  It really helped me get a handle on my emotional eating at the beginning of my weight loss journey before.  I will get this under control.....nothing in my closet fits lol


Oh yeah, and from all the crying.....I now have chronic dry eye so I can't really wear contacts right now lol My glasses are driving me crazy but that is what it is too ;)


Thursday, October 16, 2014

You are your own worst critic

Ever stop in front of a mirror and mentally pick yourself apart?  Harping on flaws that you only see?  Or how about when you lose a lot of weight and still see the old you in the mirror?




I can honestly say I've done all of that at some point in my life.  The first two I used to do constantly.  Screwing up my face in the mirror and not liking what I was seeing or at least trying to see why my husband thought I was beautiful.

After I lost all the weight I did, I had problems trying to get my mind to catch up.  Not only in the mirror but with things like scooting by people.....in reality I would have plenty of room but I would turn to the side, suck in my "gut" and hope that I could squeeze by.  

I wound up being able to get past my body image issues without seeing a therapist but I'm going to tell you, if you can't then please go see one.  Body dysmorphia can happen to anyone, whether you are at an ideal weight or not.  

This picture is something I printed out a long time ago to help me:



It does take a lot of work....a lot.  Over time though it is so freaking worth it.  I don't call myself a "fat ass" anymore or any other derogatory name any more.  I don't ask my husband why does he love me because I'm ugly.  I don't need to be reassured over and over again because the image I see and the image everyone else sees is different.

Every morning I want to do this now.....


We are all amazing people.......I hope you all eventually stop being your own worst critic and become your own best friend <3